that's what she said
by dress without sleeves
Summary: It's 3:45 AM and Ryan thinks there is a murderer in his house. Even he isn't sure what makes him call Kelly. Of all people.


**Author's Notes: **There was a huge battle with myself over whose POV to write this in. Which is why there will be-- gasp!-- two chapters to this fic! One from Ryan's head and one from Kelly's. Because, really, how can you choose?

As for my inspiration…

Kelly: You're so heartless! Like that time at the fair when I got ice cream spilled on my sweater and you just laughed!

Ryan: Well, that was funny.

Kelly: Oh yeah? Well next time you call me at 3:30 AM because you think there is a murderer in your house you can deal with it yourself! I won't do it anymore!

Ryan: That was _one time_!

**(Office, Season 3)**

Need I say more?

that's what she said

Kelly learned at an early age that sleep is like, a total essential of beauty. Because it doesn't matter _how_ many layers of foundation and cover-up you stack on your face, those ugly little bags just like _won_'_t go away_. And they'd make even Jan look like Toby on a Monday after he's had the kid for the weekend.

Which, _duh_, goes to show you shouldn't have kids if you ever want to look cute again.

Anyway, the point is that Kelly's strict sleep regimen dictates she gets a minimum of nine hours of sleep every night. Which totally explains why she was in the middle of a _great_ dream about the Spice Girls reunion tour (where she like _happened_ to run into Zac Efron who was still _reeling_ from his split with Vanessa-- because, um, _hello_, there is no way a guy as classy as Zac would date someone who puts naked photos on the internet. Duh to the tenth _degree._-- and they ended up spending the whole night talking to each other, before Ryan showed up-- only he was like, totally buff and hot and not . . . well . . . Ryan) when her phone rang.

"Ummmm . . . hello?"

"Did I wake you?"

Ryan's voice sounds all funny and stressed, so Kelly-- because she is like, _the_ best girlfriend _ever_-- sits up and doesn't hang the heck up. "Well, yeah," she tells him, because Kelly believes that honesty is an essential part of a relationship (although she doesn't think this means she has to tell Ryan about her dream, in case he gets jealous and self-conscious over his serious lack of muscles). "But like, it's totally okay. What's up?"

She hears him breathe deeply for a second. "I think . . . I think there is someone in my house."

Kelly gasps. "What?! Oh my God. Oh my God! I can't believe this! You are like a total _slime_!"

His words are sort of confused and hushed as he whispers, "What? What are you talking about?"

"What happened? Did you get drunk or something and just don't remember taking that slut home? Because I swear to God, if you weren't I will _totally_ hunt her down, I mean like I totally will."

There is a fully second pause in which Kelly thinks that stupid whore is probably sneaking out of the house, like _that_ could help her. She is _seriously_ underestimating Kelly Kapoor if she thinks-- "Um, no, Kelly. I don't mean there is a _girl_ here. I meant something a little more scary."

And, okay, so Kelly is totally all for experimentation and all that but like, this is too much. _Too_ much. No girl can be expected to support this, can she? Even Katie Holmes has been crumbling under the pressure, and like, who can blame her? "Wow. Um, Ryan. I think it's like totally cool that you are finding parts of yourself you couldn't tap into before, but-- I mean, there's no way I can live up to what you've done, because I don't have like-- you know, _those parts_-- "

"What? No! No! Kelly! Do you really think-- ? My _God_! No!"

So she's a little bit relieved. Um, helloo? Who wouldn't be? And it's not like Ryan hasn't worried her a bit in the past; he spends like, _far_ too much time hanging out with Michael and being all touchy-feely.

"Jesus. I mean that I think there is a-- I think there's a _thief _upstairs."

Well that's a little odd, seeing as Ryan sleeps on the first floor. "Why don't you just like, go upstairs and check?"

He sounds irritated. "I'm not going upstairs! What if he has a gun?"

Kelly rolls her eyes. Boys can be _so _stubborn. "So what did you call _me_ for?" She asks, because honestly, it's 3:45 AM and she's just been through the _total_ emotional works of Ryan cheating on her to Ryan being gay and now she finds out it's just some stupid robber or something? Whatever.

He doesn't answer for a few seconds, like he doesn't even know the answer. Sometimes Kelly just doesn't _get_ him. "Um . . . to tell you, I guess."

"Well do you want me to come over?"

And like, Ryan's such a weirdo about her being in his house, she doesn't even wait for him to answer before hanging up. She just slips on some jeans and a really cute sweater and some makeup and eyeliner and lipstick and pulls her hair back and gets her cutest shoes and then hops in the car to drive over. Let no one say she isn't totally dedicated.

He's waiting outside when she pulls in; his roommates aren't there this week, as they both had coinciding vacation times and Ryan got his postponed for refusing to have a sleepover with Michael.

"Hey!" She greets happily, getting out. Ryan stares at her like he doesn't even know who she _is_, and asks, "You slept like that?"

She glances down at her outfit. "Uh, no. That would be dumb." She shakes her head sadly; Ryan's cute and all but sometimes he's just like a totally dummy. "I didn't want to get stuck at a red light and have my soul mate in the car next to me look over and like switch souls because he doesn't want to date the girl in her jammies."

He blinks blankly. "You don't think we're soul mates?" He asks, a funny note in his voice.

And, um, _oops_. Kelly mentally slaps herself; but not too hard because a) then she'll get an ugly mark and people will think she's some sort of hobo and b) it _is_ 4:10 AM and she's not entirely awake.

"I'm like, _so_ glad you're my boyfriend," She says instead of answering. "So, let's go find your thief!" She takes three steps towards the house before she feels his hand on your arm. "What?"

"Kelly, you can't go in there!"

She raises her eyebrows. "Why not? I'm sure it's just like, a misunderstanding or something."

He shakes his head. "No, seriously, you can't go in. He could have a gun and I don't want . . . I mean, you could get . . . bad things could happen," he finishes lamely.

_He wouldn't be such a coward if he worked out all the time like Zac Efron,_ she thinks. "That is so . . . whatever," she says, and opens the door. "Hellooo?"

Something drops onto the floor upstairs, and Kelly just hopes it hasn't broken. Ryan follows her closely up the stairs, tugging on her sweater and hissing, "Seriously, Kelly, let's just go back to your house-- "

"And leave all your stuff?" She snaps back. "What if he takes that adorable little Chihuahua statue I bought you with your name engraved on the collar?"

"That would be . . . awful," Ryan manages, his voice catching. Which is _so_ sweet, because he just likes her gifts _so_ much.

She pushes open the door to the bedroom and finds it empty. They explore the guest room, the bathroom, and both closets; nothing. There's an open window in the bathroom which Ryan insists later is how the culprit slipped out, but Kelly thinks he's just defensive.

"There was someone here," he insists, peering around like the thief is hiding. "Seriously Kelly, I would _not _call you if I hadn't thought . . ." He catches her yawning and looks sort of, almost sorry in that way that Ryan has. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

And it's totally cool, because now she can just fall asleep in his bed and wake up with him in the morning and it'll almost be like when they're _married_, which they totally will be someday. Kelly just knows it.

Ryan watches her get into bed with a weird expression on his face, which Kelly decides is just total and complete obsession. Which is, okay, sort of weird but also _totally_ cute. "Well, nightie!" She crows, and kisses him as he gets in beside her. "I'm so glad we're finally going to spend a whole night together!"

And for a second she thinks he's going to pull one of his classic, Ryan _it's only really three hours_, but instead he sort of half-smiles and turns out the light as he jokes, "That's what she said."

Kelly rolls her eyes, because sometimes she can't _believe_ she's dating him.

But still. He let's her hold his hand, and she still get's a solid eight-and-a-half hours of sleep. _And_ she hid a bag of makeup under Ryan's bed the last time she was here.

So things are looking up.


End file.
